i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
