I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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