How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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