well you can't waste a boner
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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