my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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