i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
