It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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