All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize