We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
