You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
