Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
