and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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