You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
