Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just used a chaser for red wine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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