I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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