Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
