I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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