Please, let me fuck your mom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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