Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
