he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
