You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
