She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
