WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
