Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
