I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
