We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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