He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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