Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
