the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i came on her dog
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
