i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
