I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
