I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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