dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My liver just broke up with me...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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