DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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