btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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