It's Friday. Sex?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize