So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
