well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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