I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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