I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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