you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
