Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
