why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
