your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
