I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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