There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize