this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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