I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
