i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
