Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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