I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
