Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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