she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
