I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize