I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize