so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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