ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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