He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
