Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
