Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
